I'm the gambler
by CA5KETT
Summary: First fan fic, follow on from 100th episode. what should have happened :P


Disclaimer: I do not own Bones or any of its characters...unfortunately.

Warning: contains spoilers for the Parts in the Sum of the Whole, set after the end of that episode.

I just watched that episode and I just had to create my own ending. It's kinda sad really, how attached i am to this show...

P.s. still clearly the best episode, so much angst! Wonderful, wonderful angst...

**I'm the gambler  
**

Booth heard a knock at his door. Groaning, he glanced at his alarm clock. 4.10 am. He had only just drifted warily to sleep, his conflicted thoughts made it impossible to relax. He was exhausted, and felt empty. He had told her that he had to move on, and he had said it with such conviction he even believed it himself at the time. Looking through his own tears, into her sorrowful eyes, he had to believe he could. But now, laying alone in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, he felt completely lost. And desperately alone. He should have known her reaction, he was meant to be able to read people. So why had he failed this time? Why did he even contemplate that she loved him back? He scolded himself for listening to Sweets, and every other person who had convinced him it was possible. But what he said was so true...

The knocking got louder, returning his concentration back to the present. Reluctantly Booth stood up, dragging his body towards the door with a greater effort than normal. He felt the weight of his confession and ultimate decision with each step, each muscle contraction. When he opened it, Brennan was standing there, looking more vulnerable than she had ever looked before. Her eyes were bloodshot and raw; she looked as though she had been crying.

"Bones.." he said softly, nearly whispering. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm here, but I didn't know where else to go. Can I come in please?" she said in an equally soft voice. He nodded. Walking past him she moved cautiously inside, stopping in the hall. She wouldn't face him. He closed the door gently, stepping towards her.

"What's wrong?

Brennan sighed. She had to forcefully restrain the tears, unable to look at him for fear she would fall apart again completely.

"I don't know what to do, Booth" her voice was weak and hoarse, the words felt sharp and jagged against her raw throat.

"What do you mean, I told you I would move on, what else can we do? I don't want you to feel bad about it. Bones, please look at me...I'm sorry I even brought it up, Sweets made me believe it was a good idea, and you know its not smart to listen to him. He is just a psychologist after all." he laughed half-heartedly at his attempt to lighten the mood. It failed, Brennan remained stoic. "It was stupid and I should have known it would just make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah I wish you hadn't. You made things so complicated." she retorted, facing him, yet keeping her gaze downcast.

"But we worked it out, didn't we? I said I'll move on, and you said you know..."

There was silence. It lingered heavily over both of them. Finally, she tilted her head towards him, so she was looking directly into his eyes. "But I don't want you to move on." she confessed.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came.

"I have spent all night trying to stop thinking about it, but I just keep replaying the conversation over in my head. Booth I'm so confused..." She was crying again. All he wanted to do was reach out to her, hold her, but he knew he shouldn't.

"I have convinced myself that I don't have an open heart, that love is not real, but then if it means nothing to me and I can't change, why does it hurt so much?" she sobbed. "Seeing that hurt in your eyes, that pain...I don't ever want to do that to you again. I want to let you go,let you find someone else, for you to be happy, because I know it's the right thing to do, and because I know I can't make you happy..." she paused, "but it feels wrong. The thought of you being with someone else...its painful. And it scares me, Booth. I have never felt this before." she looked down at the floor, unable to face the reality of her confession. She shifted her feet uneasily. She looked up again, seeking reassurance in her partner.

But for once it wasn't there. "Bones, I can't go through this anymore. Its been six years. I am exhausted, I have spent so long fighting for you, fighting for us, I don't know if I can do it anymore. I..." he struggled to speak, the words weighing him down. Tears were blurring his vision again. "I can't force you into this. It's selfish. It's what I wanted. You have said hundreds of times that love is ephemeral, and me trying to convince you otherwise will not create a good foundation for a relationship. If you said yes just to please me, all we would do is fight, more than normal, you'll realise you can't do it, and walk away, then we will both be left hurt. I don't want to lose you completely, you're my best friend. I just have to settle for second best.I believed what Gordon Gordon said, and what that psychic said, they told me to be patient, that it would work out, but I guess they're wrong." He suddenly felt uncomfortable; he didn't want his partner to see him so vulnerable. "Maybe you should go, just go home and in the morning you will be able to think rationally again and you can forget all about it."

He was surprised to see that Brennan was evidently hurt. Apparently his answer was not as rational as he had conceived . Without a word, she headed towards the door. Booth, defeated, followed silently behind her to lock the door, but as she was about to close it behind her she hesitated. She spun back around to face him, her face now inches from his, her body heat radiating towards his. He took a reluctant step back, when once he would have savoured their closeness. Somehow it felt wrong now.

She felt an overwhelming and unexplainable need to say it, make real the thoughts that had been tormenting her all night. "What if I don't want to forget, Booth? What if we did try for a different outcome, and what if it worked? I have never felt as safe as I do with you. Even though I am successful and well off and shouldn't need anything else to satisfy me, it's as though when your around, I feel like a part of me has been completed, something I didn't even realise was missing. I look forward to seeing you every day, going to the diner with you, even arguing with you. Even though we disagree on so many things, I have learnt to accept your differing views, and appreciate their importance to you. I love that you teach me something new each day. Whether I like it or not, I have changed for you, you have changed the way I look at the world, and it is more beautiful to me." she paused. Booth said nothing, he didn't know how to respond in a controlled or appropriate manner. She sighed. "Look, Booth, I have never been in love before, and I didn't think I knew what it was. I didn't want to. But when you kissed me earlier today it took all my strength to push you away, and I wish I hadn't. All I know now, in this moment, is that more than anything else I want to do this.." she said, as she leaned towards him. Involuntarily, he closed his eyes in a silent surrender, before he could stop himself or her, unable to fight her intoxicating presence. Her lips pressed against his with a softness and vulnerability he had never experienced from her, illiciting the escape of a soft moan from his, dancing across his breath as it caressed her cheek. As she placed her hand at the base of his neck and deepened the kiss, she felt their tears run together in a flood of raw emotion that drowned any rational thought she had left.

Don't know if i should create more chapters... P.S. Its my first fan fic and i know everyone says it but would be great to get some reviews guys!


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